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Aug 22nd 2023!⃝My interpretation is very much persuaded by my own experiences so take this with a grain of salt because I'm definitely projecting.
I feel that this song is talking about the narrator being broken up with and feeling the aftermath of a toxic relationship. I feel that the toxic ex was very manipulative in the way of making the narrator borderline obsessive with them to the point where they lose themself in pursuit of getting the toxic ex's love and attention.
After getting out of the relationship, the narrator has no idea who they are anymore and put up different fronts in a way to cope. They're an emotional wreck and detached from their emotions at the same time making them apathetic towards others' problems as they try to navigate their own mess. Even though they're feeling so lost, they feel selfish for wanting it back as if it was all their fault their toxic ex left them and they don't deserve their ex because they weren't good enough. They beat themself up over ruining what they felt was a perfectly good relationship and base their worth on the validation they got from their ex because of that forced emotional codependency.
Next, the narrator starts to make excuses for the obvious red flags in their relationship saying things like how it was "in a hot way" to validate that perfect couple image, pushing them further in denial that they were used and manipulated. It then touches on the sexual part of their relationship where the narrator is so deprived and starving for any sort of love that they'd give themself up just to feel desired, even if the act itself was uncomfortable for them. They then go and say that they'd "give my life to have a room that feels that small," really driving home that they'd put themself through that traumatic experience again just to feel loved one more time.
The narrator goes on to say
that they "earned something" as to say that they gave so much to get that love. They also say that they "have a right to die, a right to live, a right to choose, too" bringing back that mindset that it's all their fault and the denial that they were manipulated. They say that all of the choices up to this point had to have been made by themself and themself only because in their mind, there's no way that this person they loved so much could be a terrible person.
The narrator at this point is starting to crack and is acknowledging that they were hurt in that relationship to the point where it made them scared. They acknowledge that even though they both found a shabby way to get by in their relationship, they were still a "train-wreck." Although, even with this acknowledgement, the yearning to have it all back was never sated. The narrator goes back to how they don't know who they are anymore which emphasizes the contrast to their final breaking point they reach when they're alone and the most vulnerable to their own thoughts (laying down in their bed and getting ready to sleep). The narrator finally realizes just how much damage their ex had done to them.
Lastly, the narrator finally accepts the reality that the person they loved so much and thought of so highly was actually someone they "barely knew," but even after all of that, they still can't bring themself to let go and move on. Even the realization of how awful their ex is wasn't enough to undo all of the damage and codependency that the ex had created. The narrator is now left to wonder "what am I gonna do" as they now have to deal with the weight of their reality. They feel so lost and hopeless without their ex taking up their whole life that they no longer know how to live a life outside of them.
