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Jun 21st 2008!⃝To be honest I think people must know that Linkin Park music is very very subtle, and contains many undertones which go much deeper than any one person can interpret, and the interpretation of a song or poem, or painting is unique to an individual person, Chester isn't there to tell you that your wrong!
However, this is my interpretation of the song.
The starting music, and riff is a similar metaphor to that of the starting of numb. However, it is basically a transition from sadness, and loneliness to an quickly increasing unbearable emotion, and then self harm. Frome here chester is basically reflecting on how it started, and his self harm addiction now.
The verses are clever as it can be split into Chester's lines. The verse as follows makes up a small poem on it's own.
When this began (the first time he self harmed)
I was confused (didn't know why he was treated so badly, or why people hated him)PS- perhaps a childhood reference.
Inside of me (his feelings were kept inside and now shown)
Nothing to lose (even if he was addicted to self harm (or perhaps coke, although this is not the main gist of the song), life was so bad anyway))
The Shinoda lines are also significant.
I had nothing to say (being self-conscious and shy because of low self-seteem.)
and I get lost in the nothingness inside of me (confused, making mistakes, self-harming, because of intense numbess.
And I let it all out... If we split this line, he is expressing self harm as "letting it all out" i.e emotion.
continue the line
of mind that I'm not the only person with these things in mind. (This shows that he is convincing himself he is alone and different.
But all that they can see (his scars, or tattoos) the words revealed(this is a symbol of his struggle, which is in his songs. Perhaps there is also a reference to the subtlety of his tattoos.
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel.(Nothing else is "real" as he cannot feel it, from the numbness, and he has nothing good in his life. Self harm is all he can do.
Just stuck, hollow and alone (nothing he can do, perhaps "stuck" as in not shure of what to do. Hollow obviously means empty and lacking of any feeling.)
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own. (This is him telling himself that it is his fault he is like this, to feel some emotion and as a pre-self harm insult. The repetition of this could also emphasize it as an insult to help himself get angry enough to self harm.
The position of the chorus straight after this, with a sound representing hightening emotion, anger, and going into a similar riff to the start. The chorus is also probably moving back into the present.
I wanna heal - he wants to get rid of emotions such as fear, numbness, sadness etc, by means of self harm probably.
I wanna feel - Obviously about self-harm to feel "alive"
What I thought was never real - he has been so alone all his life, that he never knew happiness. The high of self-harm is the best thing he has ever felt.
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long - pretty self-explanatory, but there might be something in the "so long", showing that his whole life has been like this, and he needs to suddenly "release" his emotion, self-harm.
Erase all the pain till it's gone - it is probably significant that Shinoda says this line, but not sure how (sorry!) It is about "crossing out" the pain that he feels, perhaps by using another material, such as a rubber (a knife)(yes, I'm getting somewhere with this metaphor!) Although this is the ideal, it never works this way as the self-harm will come back to haunt him. This could even be a suggestion of childhood naivity, thinking that he can "erase" the pain.
The repetition of the first two lines simply emphasises them, and perhaps shows that self-harm has many connotations, not just that of the first part of the chorus but the following:
Like I'm close to something real - part of the "numbness" can sometimes be the feeling that you do not exist. And you need to feel that you do, and pain allows you to do this. This being the first change in the chorus could emphasize that this "Being something real is what I thought was never real" Please forgive me if I am getting too far-fetched!
wanna find something I've wanted all along, somewhere I belong - this shows how he wants to matter, and being in a place where people care about him matters, and since his friends self-harm he has to fit in.(perhaps)
the mood turns back to alone and sad for the next verse.
Here are Chester's lines explained (in my opinion)
I was confused (still going back into a reflection on the past even in the seemingly present 2nd verse)
So what am I? (here he is starting to show anger, by the shaking of the end of the sentence, and is criticising himself.
Nothing to lose- This again leads to the SH intensity, as he is stating again that self-harming, and perhaps even suicide, cannot hurt him since he is already at the bottom. It surely cannot get any worse?
Here are Shinodas lines explained (in my opinion)
And I've got nothing to say (still unconfident, probably more than before
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face - he was expecting his band to be a total failure and for him to have a reason to self harm.
Looking everywhere (looking around to find people with the same problem)
only to find that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind - He is now addicted to self-harm and things have got worse than they were to start with. "All in my mind" could also suggest that all his problems are inside his head, such as thinking that he has been taken over in "papercut" etc.
What do I have, but negativity - he is saying that he is unlikable.
cos I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me - everybody looks down on him, and he doesn't know why. He doesn't know how he has to act to make people like him, but he also can't "justify" the way they are, and looks down on them to a certain extent.
Back into the climactic point of emotion, and an expression representing self-harm. This is basically showing all the emotion which was before he started, but it continues, showing how his addiction has created new intense emotion.
The high pitched sound after each line could suggest that every line is practically a trigger for self harm, with an initial high, and a sliding down. It represents high feelings of emotion followed by a slide down into the abyss. He could even be describing addiction periods, with gaps in between, then falling into a near suicidal self hatred. Whatever the meaning, it isn't pleasant.
Chesters lines:
I will never know - the caesura here could make this a single line, never knowing what could have happened? what he should have done?etc
myself until I do this on my own - he is talking about self-harm, and the downward scale of "do this" could show it is self harm and plunges him downwards into a hell like existence.
and I will never feel - again the caesura indicates this as a line, telling us he will never really feel alive again as long as he is addicted.
anything until my wounds are healed - this is the first contradictory, showing confusion in his mind, statement about quitting self harm, and how thing will only get better when he stops.
And I will never be - This probably reflects "never feel" as existing and feeling often go together, but this is more serious, as the pitch heightens, also suggesting he is talking about being "somebody else" as he is about to explain.
Anything till I break away from me - he needs to separate from himself, thereby becoming his worst enemy (see papercut, part of me, figure.09.
I will break away from me - escape from this world, and him(self). The lowering pitch on "from me" also suggests a darkening fall, into schizophrenia etc through his attempts to become someone else.
I'll find myself today - this is not the first time he has used "me" and "myself" to suggest separate things. He is talking about pretending to be somebody else, and hurting yourself as part of that.
The drum then emphasizes the furthering of intense emotion.
The repetition of the chorus emphasizes the repetition of self-harm, and then the loss of meaning of the self-harm. After a while, he is self-harming because he is addicted, and there are less lines, indicating both a loss in meaning, and a quickening pace because the self-harm is becoming more frequent. The instruments eventually take over and the meaning is gone, and desperation kicks in.
The drum beat throughout is representing the "hardness" of life and self-harm, and at certain points the drum clusters, and drum beats get more frequent, during the chorus and especially towards the end. This represents the heightening of self-harm and the negative effects of it. The clashes of the symbols at the end show a new kind of emotion appearing and a sensation almost like falling into "hell" or the abyss. The drum beat could be described as a metaphor in itself for the growing addiction to self harm.
Well, that's my interpretation. I had fun writing it I hope you read it. I accept that it may not completely be what Chester intended, but that's how I interpreted it. The emotion of the song can be given across, even without a complex understanding of the subtle lyrics, thanks the instruments and sounds which make it up. This is a mostly lyrical account, although I will probably be kicking myself for forgetting to add something. Actually quite a lot of what is here I thought up while I was writing this account, and quite a lot may well be far-fetched to some viewers. The important thing is that LINKIN PARK RULE!
